In an effort to bring you the most thrilling, most entertaining entertainment, we have come up with a way to melt your brain in a most satisfactory way. The new and improved Brain Matter Reducer 5000 uses a teleportation technique to remove any otherwise unnecessary brain function. From a place far away from your planet, our advanced team of 'alien' brainsuckers with over 3,000 years of brainsucking experience can use their own brains (or mechaminds as they refer to them) to microteleportalically suck the life right out of your brain. This is a harmless procedure especially because of the fact that it takes only 95% of your brain (most humanoids only use about 2% of their brain anyway; not too shabby since we're leaving a whole 5%). Besides, you really have no choice in the matter; we've taken over your planet. Also, by doing this, we here at Your Brain Matters (i know, it's kind of a play on words) can feel free to explore these spaces, making way for our mechanical impedance (no, not impotence) making the world a much happier place (for us). In these hard economic times, a less-expensive, more efficient way of 'stealing your thoughts' seems most appriopriate. We are glad to accomodate as best we can.
Your Brain Matters
PO BOX 1138
LV-426, Zeta Reticuli NCC-1701
mailto:benegesserit@metaluna.net
Happy hunting.
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